The other day our neighbor stopped by to ask us if we could get his mail while he was away on travel in Japan. This was a neighbor my husband Mark and I knew, but not someone our 3 year old daughter knew. When our neighbor came to our door, our daughter walked right up to him, took his hand, and then started insisting that he come into the house to play with her. Our neighbor laughed and commented on how friendly our daughter was and although my husband and I tried to play it off we were actually very alarmed on how willing she was to talk to a stranger.
After our neighbor left, my husband expressed to me how uncomfortable he was with our little girl’s willingness to approach a stranger and I agreed with him completely on this. However, the issue that arose was how do we teach our daughter about strangers at this age without scaring her? She is only three years old and so of course she has a natural innocence that we don’t want to taint, but on the flip side to this, it is a scary world we live in and we want her to be aware of “stranger danger.”
Trust me when I say that I am a VERY over-protective mama and I watch my child like a hawk, and I wouldn’t even think twice about killing someone who wanted to endanger her life in any way. This may sound extreme, but lets be real with one another, in nature it’s a mother’s instinct to protect her young and so I don’t think this is extreme at all, I think it’s natural.
My husband and I know that it is also our responsibility to teach our child how to protect herself too. So my question to all of you is when is the right time to introduce the concept that there are dangerous people in the world to a child? Is three years old too young? Or is there a developmentally appropriate way to begin teaching her about this now? When is the right time to introduce stranger danger to our kids? And how?
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It seems that when you have a “teachable” moment, go with it. The message, however, is the tough part. I’ll be interested to hear what others think. I know I’m not a parent, but I love the kids in my life and am very interested.
Thanks Kris for your input, yes I’d like to hear what people think about this too.
I’m so glad you approached this topic Michelle! Children should learn personal safety at each level of development. Typically toddlers are rarely out of site of their parents so we don’t teach them about some of these issues when they’re that young. However, three is the perfect age to introduce safety – as she now can speak with you about it. Other things you can discuss are “My body belongs to me” concepts and “Never go with other people that you DO Know.” When we send our children off on play-dates, we need to introduce the concept of “Never leaving with other people – even if you know them and they say it’s okay.” Empower her to always tell you and your husband when ever she feels uncomfortable about situations where you’re not present. So as she grows up, it becomes habit that she comes to you when things don’t feel right. You’re on the right track. Thank you so much for sharing. We should do a video on this together.
Thank you so much Kimberley for your expertise and words of wisdom on this topic. You have very valuable points and advice. It’s truly appreciated! I would love to do a video with you on this topic anytime!
When they start showing they will readily go to anyone, that is when you introduce stranger danger. But starting good habits like not letting your toddler go to the front door without you and constantly holding hands (or maintaining arms reach) while walking in public should be done from the get-go so they know that’s the routine.
My daughter furiously screamed when we put her on Santa’s lap a couple of months ago so I think we’ve got some time.
Good point RG! I appreciate sharing your insight on the blog. I’m glad to get advice and point of views from different parents.
Another mom recommended I get this book “Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers” and it’s been great. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0394873343/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=brighter-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=0394873343
Thank you Brigitta, that is an excellent recommendation and I fully appreciate it!
My girls are 6 & 9 and unfortunatly have to get off the bus by themselves so my husband and I decided to discuss with them about stranger danger and how they’re going to react if being attacked. The idea of my children being harmed or lost is not something anyone wants to consider. I was so glad that last month, while reading an article on a blog, it mentioned that there was a service I could use to track my kids to be sure they were always in safe places. At the bottom it said I could follow the site anationofmoms and be entered for a drawing of 6 months free of the service. Not bad! http://anationofmoms.com/2011/08/protect-your-family-giveaway.html
Thank you Trisha. I’m sure many parents will be interested in that information.